in the grand scheme of things

...we really are so small. i usually am extremely present to this fact but sometimes, even more so. the earthquake and resulting tsunami that hit japan last week really ruffled my feathers. i am a very sensitive person so these kinds of things generally do affect me, and very heavily - but this one really got me. of course, the devastation going on saddens me. it makes me think "what would i do in that situation? are my material possessions really that important? have i told my loved ones that i love them? how can i help?" but even more so, it has made me EXTREMELY present to the fact that really, we are so small in this world. and we have ABSOLUTELY.NO.CONTROL.

on top of that, it makes me very present to the fact that while we have no control, we humans DO play a huge role in all of this. yes, natural disasters are just that: natural. and normal. this earth is so large and we will just never be able to fully grasp it's power or understand everything that it can do. only god knows all of that. but the thing that really gets me is that we are accelerating some of the things that would have naturally occurred at their own time. of course continents are going to shift, ice is going to melt, storms are going to crash...but i fully believe us humans are doing so many things to this earth that it just can't handle it. well, it can, it is just moving faster now to accommodate and make up for all the crap we're doing as well.

i believe this world, our planet, this life is a GIFT. and i believe we were ALL given brains to think. but if there are SO many smart people out there, doing amazing and miraculous things with that gift, then why do we continue to make HORRIBLE decisions? is it money? greed? power? all of the above? when will we, as a WHOLE, realize that we can make changes NOW? that we are ALL part of the problem AND the SOLUTION? that the "ripple affect" is REAL?! that even the smallest thoughts we think, the actions we take, the hate we give out, the LOVE we show really makes a difference?

so today i pray for change. for the change to start here, with me, and ripple outward. to my city, my state, my country, my world. that i will live to see the day where things have not been reversed but maybe just on the way to CHANGING. i fully believe there is a LARGE portion of this world who are on that path, and i DO feel a global shift starting to occur. i think it can happen. people are scared that the world will end on december 12, 2012...well, i think it's going to be just the opposite ~ the beginning of a global transformation. and it all starts right here...

i really did it

i'm sitting here typing this from bed, and i can't believe i'm actually still IN bed. what a luxurious feeling. i'm watching tv, in bed, which is also something i don't usually do. again, the luxury. but i'm looking out the windows where it's kind of blustery out and cloudy {thus the reason for working from bed}. blech. i HATE this kind of weather. i especially hate this weather in albuquerque. while the weather was not the number one reason for moving, it was DEFINITELY toward the top of the list. i thought it would be all warm and sunny ALL the time, even in the winter. not so much. when i first got here at the end of november it was cold. and grey. and cold. and i was surprised and not too thrilled with it. but it seemed to move on fairly quickly because as soon as i thought i needed some new boots, i was wearing flip flops. but the weather here seems to be quite bi-polar, kind of like seattle. and when it is grey here, it REALLY makes me aware of how much the weather and sunlight affect me...but overall, the amount of sunlight here in the southwest thus far is making me veryyyyyyyy happy.

which brings me to my point: i can NOT believe i actually moved here. three months ago i lived in seattle. and now i live in new mexico. i packed up all my shit and put it in a truck and drove for four days and now i am a new mexican. i'm so proud of myself for doing it. and really, the transition has been pretty awesome. yes, it's a completely different city and it is extremely QUIRKY with crazy people, different cuisine (NO i do NOT want red or green chile on EVERYTHING I EAT, thank you), and radically different climate, but SO FAR, SO GOOD.

i am not going to say that this has been easy. in fact, i might go so far as to say this has been the most challenging thing i've done in my life. to pick up everything i know and leave my entire support system of friends and family. but the fact is, i did it for love. it was a CHOICE, and i chose it. it wasn't a weird move for 'work' that i didn't really want (although my work is part of all of this, thank god i don't work for some big company that just had to 'move' me). it was a choice. i chose to follow my heart and give it a go. i mean, how do you really know if you don't try?

do i miss my friends and family? of course. do i miss seattle restaurants?! TOTALLY! and do i miss my routines and my comfort zone? oh yah. but that was how i knew i needed to do this. change does not come easy for me. it is not my best friend. i lived in the same apartment in seattle for six and a half years. so i knew i needed to rock my boat, if you will. and i followed my heart to a creative, loving, amazing man who has made this transition fun, full of adventure, and full of love.

life is really just a 'choose your own adventure' book. there is no 'wrong' or 'right', there just is whichever road you choose. i am excited about the many adventures i am on...

it's been a while...

wow. it's been almost 2 YEARS since i've blogged. that's crazy. why has it taken me so long? well, i kind of knew as i started this blog that it would be a difficult thing for me to do every day. i've never been one to write in a journal or a diary ~ i've had the best intentions but in fact, i'm pretty sure i have about 10 journals around my house that each have about 1-3 entries, all starting with "well, i've tried this before to no avail...let's see how this turns out" or something of the sort. and if i remember correctly, my very first post on this blog started out the same way...
so what's my problem? why don't i blog more? i mean, i'm smart! i'm hip! i'm creative! i like cool things! i think about doing it all the time. then i think i'll just post something on facebook and call it a day, but then i never do that either because i hem and haw about "who cares?" "who wants to read this?". honestly, i think it's just a little bit of stage fright. i've always felt "pressure" (self-imposed, of course) to write the "right" thing, or write the "right" way, or write the "cool" things that people would be interested in. well, no more. i have come to realize that my blog is MY BLOG. i can do whatever i want with it. i can write however i want, about whatEVER i want, and i don't have to write for an audience. i have come to realize that writing, in it's purest and simplest form, is cathartic. it's a release. it gathers up all of those pesky and not-so-pesky thoughts that roll around in my brain and puts them somewhere else. it's healthy. it can be creative or not, but who really cares?!

during my first year in college i took an english 101 class. my teacher sat me down after only a few assignments and very seriously said to me "i am going to encourage you to be a WRITER. your attention to detail is exquisite and you can really tell a story through your words..." so i considered it, took a few creative writing classes, and then realized i just didn't want to major in english, so i majored in communication. because i can talk. and i like to talk. and i can talk a LOT. and i ended up teaching a bunch of communication 101 classes and ended up writing a LOT of papers, but none too creative, since they were all for my boring major...

so here it is, the beginning of march in 2011, and i'm going to give this another shot (we could talk now about the list i made on january 1st, not of resolutions but just of 'positive reminders' i like to call them. we could talk about how BLOGGING is on that list and it has been 60 days since i wrote said list. but we won't mention that.) i have come to realize that usually throughout my day, i have quite a few things to say. usually i just say them to myself, but now i think i will start saying them HERE. facebook is so lame and is not really the platform for most of the things that i think about. it can get very shallow at times and of course i want to talk about ALL things important! nah, not really. in actuality, most of the things i think about writing down aren't really that monumental at all, but they're somehow important to me. and maybe some day other people will find what i write interesting and important too. but that is not my goal here. i just want to create a place for ME. for MY musings. for MY idiosyncratic thoughts and questions and quirky ideas. i want a place where i can talk about my orchids that are blooming, my explorations of a new city, my new nail polish color, the weirdness i saw today, the jewelry i've been making, or any other number of random tid-bits.
and alas, i have already created the space for all of this: THIS BLOG...